Dragonflies mating. Photo by Jenny Epstein Kessem

Dragonflies mating. Photo by Jenny Epstein Kessem

Couple Therapy

It is possible to get unstuck quickly and fall in love again.

To couples entering into therapy together, I offer the hope of significant change. I am trained in PACT: the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, a method that will help you feel safer and more secure as a couple. When this happens, just about everything feels more workable. In our work, you will get to know your significant other in important ways: How can I read my partner to understand what's going on?  What makes them better and what makes them worse?  How can I help them in a way that also really helps me?  What are we really up to, anyway?

Many couples come into my office in distress. I often tell couples that the first step in our work will be to establish safety. If there is a threat to the relationship, this creates instability and a state of fear in both partners. Under this stress, it is normal to behave badly. The drive to protect oneself first, and in a biological sense, to treat your partner as a predator, arises like a reflex, much faster than thought. We then have two people performing not at their best, trying to make important decisions about the relationship, but using data from this skewed situation. I like to say this is like creating your own weather, and then saying, “You see, it’s raining, just like it always does with you.” The first step in our work together will be to end this cycle. From there I can help you make good decisions about the relationship, whether it’s to get closer or to end.

You will find in the process of our work together that we are “wired to love”. Our bodies are designed, by evolution, to bond. I help to feel how subtle changes in how you are with your partner can create profound effects in how it feels to be together. These profound effects change your nervous system, help you to feel more grounded, more alive, and better able to tolerate the unavoidable stresses of life together.

For couple therapy, I recommend session lengths of 120-90 minutes.  My fee structure is also different than individual therapy.  Please contact me for further information.