As I have lovingly observed, there is an unmistakable phenomenon amongst we neurodivergent people that shows up as we form our Relational Unmasking groups. Let’s call it the Power of the Last Minute. Or, as a beloved colleague said “Last minute is the best minute.”
Frequently there are a few spots open in a group and we wonder, is this group going to fill? In our experience, the group invariably does fill, sometimes beyond our capacity, sometimes a day or a few hours before the group begins. The lesson from experience is to relax and allow the power of the last minute to show us what’s meant to happen.
Why does this happen?
Here are some reasons I’ve observed in myself and the many ND people around me.
—We don’t process information at the speed it is coming at us. This creates overwhelm.
—We have decision fatigue.
—We like to make decisions when the wave hits us (ie when there’s enough novelty or dopamine to have the focus to decide).
—The last minute gives us a rush of focus (sometimes).
—We wait to see if there is a sign that this is the right thing. We tend to like the bottom up processing signs, like a beautiful synchronicity or suddenly experiencing the right vibe.
—We might feel demand avoidant about it, like: I could do this thing for myself, but I don’t want to be told to do so. It has to feel right from my own internal experience, not from an external obligation.
—We have been taught to feel shame at functioning at the last minute. We hide it from others, and think we are the only ones up to this way of functioning.
—We might experience a general hesitation with spending energy, time and money on ourselves. I celebrate my neurodivergent creative thriftiness with time and resources, and that can keep me from taking care of myself in many ways.
—We might not trust that this community will feel safe, for good reasons that come from experience. How many times have we experienced a group that didn’t allow us to be our fully quirky, socially awkward, gender queer, neuroqueer, intersectional weird wild selves?
—We want to belong and we also don’t want to belong.
Waiting until the last minute to sign up for something? That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Celebrating the power of the last minute.
